


Oh Shit, there's fanfiction of us!?

by ThisIsNotADrill



Category: Dangan Ronpa
Genre: Crack, Gen, It's a bunch of dead teens reading fanfiction what more do you want, Major Spoilers, Snark, a joke sue, also i have two ocs in this one, alternate universe: what the fuck is even going on here, and a proper oc, more tags will be added, they're kind of in the afterlife??, written after a week with no sleep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-12
Packaged: 2018-02-19 18:28:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 12,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2398460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisIsNotADrill/pseuds/ThisIsNotADrill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bunch of Hope's Peak students come across something so despair-inducing, not even Enoshima would touch it-- A Suefic.</p><p>UNFINISHED AND ABANDONED.</p><p>but practically done I had no more jokes anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Looks like diabetes.

**Author's Note:**

> I bet you all thought I was dead. Well, sorry to disappoint, but I'm still kicking. I wrote this based off one of my favorite fanfics- Never Leave Fanfiction Lying Around. Only this one's a dr version? I wrote this after a week without sleep, though. Also, if anyone has a tip on how to make my Sue more Sue-ish, tell me!
> 
> UPDATE; please check the final author's note for an explanation as to this fics abandonment!

"I'm bored"

"Yeah, for the hundred-and-eighth time, we get it."

Leon turned boredly to look at the biker, quietly muttering a few cursewords under his breath. The others in the room had been quiet for a while, too, which didn't surprise him seeing as everyone there had died. Except for Chizuru, but everyone had give up trying to figure out her deal by then.

Sakura shrugged, slightly. "There isn't exactly much to do." The fighter pointed out, her arms crossed. Fujisaki was looking around the shelves, letting his hand trail over the books. "T-there's stuff to read, at least." He said, looking at the others.

"Indeed," Celes started, "it'd take a lifetime to read it all." The gambler put down her tea before a certain prankster interjected. "We're all dead, we have more than a lifetime-" she stopped talking when Celes glared at her, wisely backing away.

Maizono looked at the ceiling, her brow furrowing. "I guess this means we have eternity to figure out how to pass the time." She shrugged, prompting a slight nod from Yamada. He had been ignoring the others for a while, but that changed when Fujisaki accidentally loosened a book.

"Careful, Fujisaki-kun!" Ishimaru sped over and caught the book, looking down at it. Everyone in the room paused, suddenly, their eyes training on the book. It was, to put it bluntly, an eyesore. Pink was haphazardly blended all around the cover, with little lace and ribbons somehow decorating it. On the cover, little Lisa Frank stickers sat, staring out with overly cutesy eyes. No one spoke, for a while, and then Chizuru broke the silence. "It looks like diabetes."

Leon nodded in agreement, taking the book from Ishimaru (much to the perfect's annoyance.). "The fuck even is this?" He wondered, opening the book and reading the first page.

_SHSL Wildcard_

_By xxprincessxx_

He skimmed a paragraph, blinking. "Uh, guys? WE'RE in this." He said, looking around the room. A hush fell over everybody, and they all collectively experienced a sinking feeling. No one spoke for a few moments until Sakura cleared her throat.

"I have heard of this before," the fighter admitted. "This is fanfiction, and if I'm not mistaken, that particular one is a Mary Sue."

"A Mary what?" Chizuru asked, looking over at the book. Leon held it away from his face as though it may bite him, and Sakura continued.

"An all too perfect girl who shoehorns herself into our class and has a very ridiculous talent, and for some reason she almost always winds up being SHSL Hope. Also, she winds up with one of the guys in our class more often than not." At Sakura's explanation, all the boys in the room paused, looking various degrees of disgusted.

Chizuru, however, had quite the evil little grin on her face. Celes and Maizono didn't seem too moved by it. "This'll give us something to do!! Let's read it!" She said, and Sakura paused.

"It could prove an interesting experience... alright, Yamagi, if you wish, you can read it aloud to us." She nodded. No one really had the balls to argue with Sakura, so that was how they all wound up sitting in front of the prankster. She cleared her throat before beginning to read aloud.

_It was a beautiful day. The sky was blue and the sun shown bright. But none of it could compare to the beauty of Raven Star Miyomoto Wennibego Luna Sunflower Lapis Lazuili Smith._

"WHAT a name!" Maizono commented, looking a little bit miffed. The others simply nodded as Chizuru took a breath, sighing before she continued.

_Her naturally light blue hair shimmered in the sunlight, even bluer than the sky._

"is that even possible?" Ishimaru asked, looking far from humored.

"Maybe, I'm a natural redhead, after all!" Leon bragged, but faltered slightly as everyone looked at him as if to tell him that was bullshit.

_Her shimmering orbs of yellow were brighter than the sun itself. She looked at a group of guys and they all drooled, immediately lusting after her. She was just THAT gorgeous. But all wasn't well for her immense mind, for she had (gasp) been assigned homework! Oh, the horror!_

"I already dislike the protagonist! Homework must be completed!" Ishimaru said, sitting up straighter. Mondo shrugged his shoulders slightly, looking back at the book. "Sounds like melodrama to me," the biker commented.

_Raven sobbed lightly. "Oh, if only I were special, then my life would be less difficult!" She cried prettily._

_Suddenly, a beam of light came down in front of Raven. It was a fairy!_

"In what context would that even remotely make sense?" Celes asked, rubbing her temples in slight irritation. "Um, maybe it's just Alter Ego..?" Suggested Fujisaki. Sakura shook her head.

"No, no. This is a common tactic used by Sues to seem more special. They can use magic or contact the supernatural, even if it doesn't exist with what they're writing about." Sakura explained, glancing at the others. "Points for creativity, at least!" Yamada put in.

_"I have heard your wish, Raven, beautiful maid of the west. You will be sent to Hope's Peak in order to help the people there!"_

"What a load of bull," Maizono commented, causing everyone to look at her. She merely shrugged, looking back to Yamagi. "Oh, oh right" Chizuru nodded, continuing to read.

_The Faire said a few words, and the world gave way to darkness..._

_"Hey, are you okay?" Raven was woken up by a voice. She looked around. "I... don't know... where am I?" She asked._

All the boys in the room simultaneously paused, looking nervous.

_"You're in Hope's Peak." Strong hands helped her up, and Raven gasped when she saw the face. She knew it from the shrine in her closet!_

Everyone in the room looked at one another, biting their lips. Everybody knew just who this person would be- Raven's love interest.

_"Leon Kuwata!" She gasped prettily, as he smiled at her with eyes full of kindness._

Everyone but Leon sighed in relief. The All-Star looked like he was about to throw up, and Maizono sympathetically pat his shoulder. Chizuru had stopped in the middle of reading to laugh, looking at Leon. "Eyes full of kindness?? I'd describe your eyes a lot of ways, but not kind!" She commented.

"Why me?" Leon groaned, pulling his knees to his chest.

_Raven's brain worked overtime as she looked around, seeing everyone. There was cute little Fujisaki--_

"C-cute?"

_Sexy, sexy Oowada--_

A brief look of dread passed over Mondo. Leon smirked at him.

_Boring old Ishimaru--_

"BORING!?"

_Fat, useless Yamada,_

"Well I never-!!"

_and a bunch of jealous looking girls!_

Chizuru glanced at the other girls. Celes snorted. "As if I would be jealous of someone so ridiculous."

_Leon only looked at Raven, though. 'God, she's so beautiful, and she sounds sweet as a bell! I'm in love!'_

This was met by catcalls from a few of the others.

"Whoohoo, when's the wedding!?"

"When ladies sound sweet as bells, Leon gets hard as steel--"

WACK! Celes gave Yamagi a slap upside the head, her eyes narrowing. "It was just a joke!"

"Of course it was"

To be continued...


	2. Weebspeak and The Fourth Wall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maizono points out the author's gratuitous use of Japanese and there's a discussion about the boundary between reality and fiction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe people like this joke of a story oh God. Well, here's another chapter for you bunch of masochists.

_Raven didn't care who else was there, and she just focused on Leon's chocolate brown eyes--_

"wait just a minute, my eyes aren't brown!" Leon interrupted. Chizuru repressed a giggle behind her hand, which was met by a glare from the aforementioned all star. Celes glared at both of them before she continued.

_Until the romantic moment was RUDELY interrupted by a shrill, annoying voice._

_"Koniichiwa tomadachis!"_

Celes had to stop and look back a few times to make sure she got that right. Maizono, however, looked embarrassed. "Uh oh, I have a feeling I know who this is..." She mumbled, looking down.

_Raven turned to see an ugly, UGLY girl with greasy blue hair and puke green eyes. She was pale and pasty compared to Raven's tan, curvy body. And this girl had the most annoying voice! "Watashi wa Maizono Sayaka desu!"_

The idol burried her face in her hands, and Chizuru sympathetically pat her shoulder. Leon seemed slightly relieved that he wasn't the one people were focused on at the moment, but that ended when Sakura spoke up. "I believe she's attempting to 'oust the competition'"

"What competition?" Chizuru spoke up, "he never had a chance with her in the first place!" Celes actually let out a laugh at that, and Mondo hid a grin. Leon gaped at her, his mouth hanging open.

_Leon made a face at the gross girl as Raven looked at him. "What did she say? I don't speak weeaboo!" At that, the whole room erupted in laughter.  Sexy boys held their stomachs laughing._

Meanwhile, in reality(sic), the room couldnt be quieter.

*crickets*

"That's not even funny, since, you know, we ARE Japanese." Mondo pointed out, his arms crossing. "How does she even know the language?"

"This is a Sue. Do you think she needs a reason?"

"Point taken."

_All of the sudden, a bear popped out! It was totally weird. One side was white and cute, and the other side was black and scary. "Who're you?" Leon asked, looking positively yummy and manly._

The real Leon's face turned an interesting shade of green in response to this.

"And what were the other guys doing? Skipping through a field of tulips and singing Avril Lavigne?" Chizuru asked. This led to some odd looks, but she just shrugged in response.

_"I'm Monokuma, you bastards! Your principal!" He yelled in an annoying voice. "And what do you think you're doing!?" Raven kicked the stupid bear, but he hopped back up. "You're cute, so I won't punish you." Monokuma said._

"NONSENSE! You aren't exempt from the school rules for appearance alone!" Ishimaru spoke out, sitting up. "Ikusaba was cute, but she was punished for breaking the rules, too!!"

"Ikusaba was cute, eh?" Leon smirked, causing the hall monitor to fall silent.

_"No one can leave this school unless you kill someone!"_

"Well,that's not wrong." Yamada said dryly, pushing his glasses up. Chihiro raised his hand slightly, "but she left out a lot..."

_"Nani!? This is not kawaii at all, baka-bear-chan!!" Maizono yelled stupidly. No wonder she died, she's annoying. Raven ignored the jealous glares from the girls and the lustful stares from the boys. The next person to speak up was a cute, short girl..._

"Oh, no." Chizuru started.

_"kill eachother!? That's dumb. Why would we wanna leave!?"_

"I KNOW that's not who I think it is."

_"And who do you think you are, speaking for everyone like that?" Monokuma asked._

"This isn't even canon, I KNOW that's not who I think it is!"

_"I'm Chizuru Yamagi"_

"GODDAMNIT JESUS CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK I'M NOT EVEN IN CANON WHO THE SHIT DOES SHE THINK SHE IS SHOEHORNING ME INTO A STORYLINE I DON'T EXIST IN!" Chizuru ranted, having to be held back by Mondo to ensure she didn't rip up the book.

"Calm down, kid! Ya gotta keep the fourth wall in tact!" Mondo did his best to speak over her as she failed to try and get to the book.

"Don't swear, Yamagi-kun!" Ishimaru declared after his ears stopped ringing. Everyone waited for Chizuru to burn herself out before Celes cleared her throat. "I believe it would be in our best interests to take a little break. And perhaps restrain Yamagi."

Everyone just nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow, this one was short! I need to go to class, but I wanted to make an update, so take this.


	3. People and Spring Rolls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, IT'S A SEX SCENE!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus, I dislike going to school. But I'm back, so it's time to fuck shit up with this dumb story.

After Chizuru was safely secured with a convenient rope, Celes promptly shoved the book into the hands of Ishimaru. "I'm done reading for now." she told him, going to take a seat next to Maizono. The perfect's eyes scanned the others, making sure everyone was listening before he be began to read.

_As the loud girl was talking, all the guys began to go to Raven. A cute boy named Naegi tried to talk to her, but a dumb bimbo with tan skin dragged him away. Her name was something like Asshair? Ugh, who cares about her?_

Sakura glared at the book with enough anger that Ishimaru would've dropped it if he hadn't been busy looking shocked to see Asahina insulted like that.

_Raven started looking around at all the girls. No one could compare to her beauty. Her eyes changed to a red color when she saw the jealous girls--_

"Her eyes change color??" Chihiro looked absolutely puzzled. "Anything to make a sue more special." Sakura responded bitterly, attempting to keep her anger in.

_Aside from the stupid bimbo, there was a skank with huge pigtails and a bra showing. She was super gross and could never compare to Raven's beauty._

"What a terrible thing to say about Ikusaba-chan!" Maizono yelped, looking scandalized to hear her friends insulted like that. Ishimaru continued reading, having been too shocked to do anything else.

_There was that dumb weeaboo Maizono, talking to a freaky pale goth chick with a horrible sense of fashion. Ugh, she looked like a bitch!_

Celes's face twitched and her muscles tensed. She seemed calm, but the look in her eyes could kill. Everyone winced slightly.

_There was a stinky looking girl with pigtails annoying a hot guy with glasses- who was staring lustfully at Raven, and also a really pretty, mysterious girl with purple hair. She wasn't as beautiful as Raven, though._

Chizuru snorted from where she'd been tied up. "You couldn't hold a candle to Kirigiri ever." She said to the book. This was simply met with nods before Ishimaru proceeded.

_Also, there was a big girl with a lot of muscles, but who cares about her? Moving ooooooooon..._

"At least I won't be subject to character derailment." The fighter deadpanned.

_There were a lot of hot boys. Ishimaru was staring at Raven's tits, which were way bigger than Asahina's!_

Ishimaru stopped. "I would do no such thing!" He squeaked out, his eyes wide as plates. Mondo gently pat his 'brother's' shoulder, as if he was trying to reassure Ishimaru.

"Odds she'll boink him during the fic?" Chizuru whispered to Yamada.

"Almost certain."

_There was an older guy with a lot of hair who was looking right at her ass, and Raven grinned, clenching it for him._

There was a collective gag at that.

_All the guys wanted Raven really bad! So they ignored the dumb bear and fought over her. Her eyes turned yellow and she giggled as all the boys fought over her. They all looked so sexy!! Except for a gross fat guy who was staring at her perky chest._

Yamada huffed indignantly.

_Then a bunch of other stuff happened and they watched videos, but Raven didn't care so long as she had her big, strong Leon with her!_

"Thank fuck that I die soon." Leon said, raising his hands.

"I think she'll find a way to bring you back..." Chihiro pointed out, hugging himself. Leon looked crestfallen.

_After that got finished, Leon caught Raven before she left. "I only met you today, but I already love you so much! Will you be mine?" He asked, pulling her close. Raven grinned, kissing him--_

Ishimaru's face went an interesting shade of red. "IMSKIPPINGTHISPART" he announced, and he was met with a bunch of nauseous nods. He quickly started skimming through the scene, trying to get past the parts unfit for human ears. Sadly, that required Ishimaru to read some of it, and eventually, the perfect excused himself to be sick. Cautiously, Mondo picked up the book.

"Guess I'll read the rest..." he said, skipping several pages. He read aloud a few words, much to the dismay of Leon. "Sheets... roses... now THAT can't be possible... silk... why there of all places? ...fried spring rolls--"

"Fried Spring Rolls?" Chizuru interrupted.

"Ya don't wanna know, kid." Replied a very red, very flustered Mondo. He skipped a few more pages before sighing in relief.

"Is it over?" Came a weak call from the bathroom. "Yeah, kyoudai. You can come out." Mondo replied, and an uneasy looking Ishimaru joined the group.

"So, a total of 25 pages later, we get back on track?" Asked Maizono.

"Yeah. And don't worry, Leon, she was pretty flattering."

The All Star turned green.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, that one was kinda long. Ah well, I hope you all enjoyed it! I didn't.


	4. Convenience

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! This one is kinda... dumb. But I'm thankful for all the Kudos and comments. Really, writing this story is fun enough, the feedback is just the icing on the cake!
> 
> *sigh* I could go for some cake rn...

Mondo looked at the book, again, sighing heavily. "Ya know, I think we're all starting to go a bit nuts thanks to this thing." He mused, looking around the room.

It was slightly true, as everyone seemed to be in various stages of negative emotion. Celes was currently tightened up, like a snake ready to strike at unsuspecting prey. Ishimaru was slightly green from the earlier scene, but he'd be fine if there were no more scenes like that. Maizono seemed to be caught between amused and indifferent, with Yamada sharing the expression. Sakura was still trying to contain her own anger, though she was still very angry about hearing Asahina insulted like that. Leon was trying to smother himself in a pillow at the moment, with Chihiro patting his shoulder in an attempt to reassure him. Chizuru merely looked cranky at the time, mumbling a sarcastic remark under her breath.

"That IS true... but now that we've started it, we may as well see it though to the end." Celes reasoned, resulting in a hesitant nod from everyone but Leon. Mondo nodded back at the gambler, clearing his throat before reading aloud.

_Raven's night with Leon was magical, amazing, incredible, captivating, wonderful, beautiful, heart-stopping, just-got-hit-in-the-back-of-a-head-by-a-two-by-four excellent._

"Not to mention good." Chizuru said with a little grin.

"You're a sadist."

_Raven got to the cafeteria late, still looking radiant. "Raven, you look radiant!" Ishimaru blushed._

"She's rather fond of stating the obvious..." Chihiro quietly pointed out, frowning.

"Do I detect hostility in the place I least expect it?" Yamada asked, and Chihiro went quiet.

_She blushed, fluttering her eyelashes before one of the stupid girls opened her mouth. "Hey, where's Maizono?" She asked, and Naegi said he'd go look for her so no one had to listen to the dumb skank._

Mondo seemed more than a little pissed off that someone had the nerve to write that. Maizono shrugged. "She can call me what she wants. It doesn't really bother me."

_When Naegi didn't come back, Raven got worried. He didn't want him to get hurt! He was too cute, and she knew he loved her. So, Raven decided to go look for him and that stupid weeaboo. Maybe she got lucky and Maizono died! But since no one wanted to be away from Raven, everyone followed her._

"On the contrary, I would pay actual money to get away from you." Celes put in smoothly. Leon nodded feverishly. "Yeah!"

_When they got to Naegi's room, Raven saw a horrifying sight. Naegi was passed out!! Oh, and Maizono got stabbed. Raven pretended to be scared, but she was really glad that dumb bitch was gone! Then some other stuff happened, and the dumb blonde skank died._

At that, Mondo shut the book and had to be restrained by Sakura before he did anything drastic. Maizono was the next to pick up the book, sighing. "I guess I'll go next!" She said, "but let's take a short break, first..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why I'm not that motivated to write, but that's what's going on. I promise to try and make the next one longer!


	5. The you-know-what

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Several innuendos go right over Ishimaru's head and the Sue goes to the trial.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I finally updated this! I was trying to write a FE: A fic earlier this morning, but ao3 deleted the draft. Sigh.

Maizono settled into the chair once Mondo was safely restrained by Oogami. "This story IS kinda ridiculous." She commented, trying to find where they left off. Leon hopped up.

"Then we shouldn't have to read it!"

Celes paused in thought. "...No, but I applaud you for trying."

Leon frowned.

_"Raven, can you help me investigate?" Asked a pretty purple-haired girl named Kirigiri. Raven gave a dazzling smile and nodded, going over to her. "What do you need help with, Kirigiri?" She asked, her eyes deep blue._

"Oooh, I think I'm getting a nosebleed!" Chizuru commented, dramatically pushing Tissues up her nose. Celes snorted.

"What makes HER think Kirigiri would need her help?" She asked, taking a sip of milk tea.

"Sounds like you're jealous." Leon grinned, glad to be momentarily free of the Sue. His comment was met with a smack upside the head.

_So Raven and Kirigiri went to investigate the body, and Raven found some numbers. Her immense brain was able to decode them, but she wanted other people to take the glory, too. So she gave them to Chihiro, the cutie! She knew he was a boy, but she wouldn't tell--_

"Because you respect my secret?" Chihiro looked hopeful.

_Because she thought he wore such a big skirt to hide a huge you-know-what!_

Chihiro flushed red and covered his face while Chizuru looked at the book in disbelief. Ishimaru tilted his head slightly. "I do not know what! What are you hiding, Fujisaki-kun!? We keep no secrets here!" He insisted, only serving to embarrass Chihiro. Leon, for his part, had laughed so hard he started coughing, but a slap on the back from Oogami cured that.

"Will someone not tell me!?" Ishimaru demanded before Mondo leaned over and whispered something in his ear. "KYOUDAI, I DO NOT THINK A PENIS COULD GROW TO SUCH A SIZE." He blurted out, making Chizuru start laughing while Chihiro attempting to disappear into his shirt.

_During the investigation, Leon suddenly pulled Raven away--_

Leon paled considerably.

_But that moment was RUDELY interrupted by Kalklesta telling them that Monobear wanted them._

"I HOPE she doesn't mean me." Celes interjected, and everyone promptly scooted away from her.

_Then they got into an elevator._

"Well that's not wrong." Yamada pointed out. "But I'm taking off points for blandness." He briefly scribbled in a notebook he got from nowhere.

_Raven saw Chizuru standing close to Mondo and she gave a knowing smile. She knew Mondo loved her, but she thought he and Chizuru made such a cute couple!! She'd have to set them up._

Chizuru and Mondo promptly scooted away from one another.

_Then, the trial began. People all started talking out loud and accusing Naegi, but Raven knew it wasn't him. "It isn't Naegi!" She said, flames forming in her hands._

"What." Was the resounding cry from everyone.

_"What makes you say that?" Asked Celery. "It's obvious, he fainted at the sight of her body!" Raven replied "you silly little bey-ootch"_

"Well, fuck you, too" Celes replied, calm as ever. Most were still stuck on 'Celery'.

_Then a bunch of other stuff happened, and it turned out Leon killed the annoying weeaboo! "No! This can't be true! Execute me instead, I love him!"_

"That would be romantic," started Oogami. "But she ruins it, somehow." She finished flatly.

_"No, don't do it, Raven! I love you so much. I'm sorry I have to leave you!" Leon cried out as he was burried in balls._

Everyone got a little chuckle out of that, sans Ishimaru, who just looked confused.

_Then he died.  
"NAOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"_

"Is it bad that I'm trying not to snicker?" Asked Yamada, briefly followed by Leon leaping up with joy.

"YES! I'M DEAD! THANK GOD!!" Everyone had to cover their ears before Maizono piped up.

"There's more" she said. Leon stopped right in the middle of a victory dance.

_Raven ran over, her blue hair billowing behind her like a banner before she burried her face into his lifeless chest. Her true love was gone._

"Now that's just stupid!" Chizuru piped up. "You've known him for what, a day?! He could be a convicted criminal for all you know!"

"HEY!"

"I didn't say you WERE."

_Suddenly, she heard him again. He was breathing! Her tears had brought him back to life!!_

There was a resounding cry of bullshit as Maizono put the book down. "I'm done." She said flatly, getting up. "I'm not reading anymore" everyone looked at eachother before looking to Yamada, who merely sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised this one would be longer, didn't I?


	6. Starting a Collection Pile for Chihiro's therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sue attempts to play matchmaker and Chihiro starts showing some very justified hostility.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part of the fic was written during biology class,, haha school's made it hard to update, but I'm definitely going to be more active in December.

Leon was, at the moment, burrying his face into a pillow and crying hysterically. Mondo reached over, patting his shoulder as Yamada settled into the chair, holding the book up and adjusting his glasses. Chihiro seemed slightly upset, Ishimaru had never looked more confused, Chizuru was trying not to laugh, Sakura and Celes both looked equally done, and Maizono was glad to have finished reading. The doujin artist cleared his throat before beginning to read.

_Raven let out a cry as she looked up at him. "My love, you're alive! This is totes radical!"_

"That sentence was wild!" Maizono said, flabbergasted.

"She ought to decide on an accent already." Celes looked irritated, stirring her tea in silence.

_She kissed Leon deeply, her arms going around him as he spoke. "You're like an angel sent to save me." He whispered romantically._

Mondo allowed a chuckle to escape at that, while Chizuru burst out laughing. "You done good, lover boy!" She laughed loudly, causing Leon to further bury his face into the pillow.

_"I love you so much..." Raven kissed him again, and the others walked away to let the lovers have their fun..._

Yamada turned green, staying silent as he read the scene to himself. Chizuru made a face, sticking her tongue out. "He almost DIED, he certainly doesn't need the V!"

Leon suddenly brought his head up and assumed a high pitched voice. "Oh, Leon, I want you right now! While you're bloody and have broken ribs!" He mocked before hiding his face in the pillow again.

"Kinky." Commented Mondo.

_"Leon, my darling!" Raven moaned_

The sudden line caused everyone to cover their ears and let fly various insults and threats and things about Yamada's mother.

"Hey-!!!" He shouted, looking right to Leon. The latter merely shrugged as the former continued skimming the scene. "And it's done" he said, causing a sigh of relief to sweep through the room.

_A somber group of people met the next day, except for Ishimaru and Mondo. They were acting like friends, which made Raven curios._

"Oh, she's a cabinet. Perhaps now this story will make sense." Celes deadpanned.

_"weren't you enemies?" She asked them, and Ishimaru said "Forget forget forget beam!" And was really cute._

"I agree with her on that, you ARE kinda cute in the puppy way." Chizuru confessed as Ishimaru went red.

"Flirtatious behavior isn't welcome in a school environment!" He protested.

_"No, Raven! We had bonded as men!" Mondo said, brimming with testosterone._

Mondo blinked as Chizuru shrugged. "That's admittedly a very accurate way to describe you."

_Suddenly, Chizuru pulled on Raven's hand, her cute eyes looking up at her. "Miss Raven, can I ask you something?" She asked sweetly._

Chizuru's eye twitched. "I'm not cute. And I'm not short!" Everyone collectively glanced at her as if to tell her she was a complete runt.

_"Sure, I'd love to!" Raven giggled and left with Chizuru, who pulled her out of sight. "I like Mondo." She said._

Mondo and Chizuru promptly scooted away from eachother, again. "Awwww, whassa matter? You're a cute couple!" Teased Leon.

_Raven gasped. She knew Mondo was in love with her, but She also knew he'd be super cute with Chizuru! She just HAD to set them up. Besides, she already had her one true love..._

"Yourself?" Sakura wondered aloud, causing a brief murmur of agreement to wash over the room.

_But she also knew that Chihiro wanted her, so she left Chizuru. She went into the computer room to see Chihiro on her laptop._

Chihiro tensed.

_"Raven, I need some help with this code. How many zeros do I put?"_

His eye twitched involuntarily.

_"Oh, you just make it a bunch of zeros and ones, it isn't that hard!!"_

"Yes. It is." Chihiro interrupted, looking the angriest he'd ever been. "It's an entire language that takes years to understand and you have to be very through with it you ignorant _fuck._ "

If one thing could catch the readers off gaurd, it would be Fujisaki saying fuck. Yamada nearly dropped the book, gaping at the programmer. Chihiro looked around, blinking. "O-Oh, sorry... I'd wanted to clear up that misinformation..." he apologized, looking down.

"Fujisaki, your anger is completely justified." Responded Chizuru.

_Then they made a thing called Alter Ego, and Chihiro hid it. Then they all went down to the gym and Monokuma gave them all paper!_

"Well she's not wrong." Yamada grumbled.

_Inside was Raven' s deepest darkest secret, which was- (A/N: heeey I hope u liek my story! i had 2 tak this part out because it was triggering, WHATEVER! lolol, pm me if u wanna kno)_

Everyone simultaneously gagged as Yamada put the book down. "I think we all need a freaking drink"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, another short chapter!! I just don't have the motivation to make them that long. Sigh.


	7. That NEVER Happened.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Sue shows some signs of a brain cell and Chizuru reminds everybody that they do not speak of the Sauce Lamp™.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween, everyone!! I'm not going trickortreating tonight, it's too cold. So I instead decided to work on this train wreck of a story. I completely blame tumblr user spaceshipsandpotatochips for any references to the mystery skulls video.

After a brief caffeine break and a lot of protesting from Leon, Sakura was the one to take the book. "Are you sure you want to read that? What if another scene comes up?" Chihiro pointed out, smoothing out his skirt(he hadn't stopped wearing it because it was comfortable, according to him).

"Then I'll bear it. I'm the ultimate fighter, I'm able to handle poorly written smut." Sakura responded, but she didn't look so sure of herself. The others glanced at eachother before Sakura began reading.

_So, the motive was something about deepest secrets. Raven saw Leon blush at his, so she looked over and saw his secret. He had a pierced you know what!_

There was a short pause as everyone slowly looked at Leon, whose face burned red. "I was a KID, I did something STUPID. Stop staring!"

_But Raven already knew that. Fujisaki was shaking and Oowada looked mad! Everyone else doesn't really matter, though, so moving ooooooooooon..._

_After the bear stopped talking, Kirigiri pulled Raven aside. "Raven, you're the only person I really trust, so I'm going to show you my hands" she sled_

Chizuru blinked. "Is there anything more out of character than that?"

"She could allow you to make another Sauce Lamp™" Celes replied, taking a sip of milk tea as Chizuru turned red.

"I thought we said we'd never speak of that again."

_But Raven saw something... Cera took her hair off!! It was fake!_

"They're fake!?" Leon looked dumbfounded, poking one of her drills. Celes slapped his hand away, huffing and mumbling that her name wasn't that hard to spell.

_But before Raven could say anything, Kirigiri kissed her cheek. Raven froze up as her heart beat fast. What was this...? She loved Leon!! But Kirigiri was making her stir with lust. She was sure he wouldn't mind sharing..._

Leon blinked. "Never before have I been so glad to have a cheating girlfriend" he deadpanned, and Celes glared at the book. 

"To be fair, you don't see much Yuri these days, so I need to give points for adding that!" Yamada commented as Sakura leafed through the pages.

Mondo made a face. "Sure, yeah, but this is _Kirigiri_. Doya really think she'd fuck someone in school?" He pointed out.

Sakura grumbled something to herself as she stopped. "Eighteen pages later, and she's trying to set up Yamagi and Oowada, again." She informed. Seconds later, the aforementioned biker and trickster were on opposite sides of the room.

_Raven was doing Chizuru's makeup to make her as cute as possible for her confession!! So, Chizuru was wearing a cute pink dress with little frills on it, and her hair was pinned up with a cute bow. Also, she was-_

"Skip this part." Chorused everyone, and Sakura was more than happy to comply. "She describes the clothing more than anything..." Chihiro mused.

"I'M CERTAIN THOSE CLOTHES VIOLATE THE DRESS CODE" said Ishimaru.

"This story violates common sense." Maizono added.

_So Raven brought Chizuru to the cafeteria, and Mondo's jaw dropped when he saw how cuuuuute Chizuru was! She went up to him and said "I like you" and he pulled her up and kissed her. Raven giggled, leaving the happy couple alone._

Neither Chizuru nor Mondo had looked this uncomfortable before. Both refused to look at eachother for a few seconds before Chizuru started talking again. "I'd never confess like that! Ugh, this is embarrassing!"

"As embarrassing as the Sauce Lamp™?" Leon smirked, and Chizuru had to be held back to keep from punching him.

_Suddenly, the alarm went off!!_

Sakura slid in a bookmark, pausing. "I say we pick up later." It was not a request.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just noticed Leon didn't appear in the last two chapters!! Ugh, I don't have magic ideas for the next chapter, so I might as well just make it a sappy interlude by fake!Leon.


	8. Interlude, featuring fake, sappy Leon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's an interlude by the fake Leon and no one is spared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been getting writers block recently, so have a brief chapter of fic Leon praising the sue while everyone is collectively mad. Also, Raven is probably going to briefly die next chapter, because she needs a sappy death scene.

Sakura paused once she reached the next chapter, clearing her throat. "It seems that this chapter is an interlude by Leon. It only seems appropriate that he reads it." She said, looking around the room. Leon rapidly shook his head a moment.

"No way!! Someone else can read it, right!?" He looked around at the others, who responded with dead silence. He begrudgingly made his way to the chair, taking the book. "I hate all of you."

"We know, now shut up and read." Celes said.

_Oh Raven, how I love you, let me count the ways..._

"How original" Maizono deadpanned, making Yamada follow up with a nod.

"Plagiarism is very much frowned upon!" Ishimaru declared, looking pretty mad.

_She's beautiful and kind beyond belief, and she seems to understand me better than anyone else. She supports my dream and helps others just as much._

"Really? Cause she seems to love helping herself TO others." Celes sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of her nose.

WOOSH, what was that sound? The sound of an innuendo going right over Ishimaru's head.

_She's amazing at everything she does, and a genius with computers, just like Fujisaki! She knows all of us better than we know ourselves, and she's just like one of us._

There was a group chorus of "YEAH, RIGHT" so loud that it could be heard from the future foundation.

_I don't want to talk about my death, because being away from her for even a few seconds is pure hell. But her radiance brought me back again, and she was like an angel of God. When I'm away from her, my heart has a void--_

"And when I'm near her, she fills the void with a grossly sappy love-hate relationship (she loves me i hate her) and I wind up missing the void." Leon stated.

"Would you please stay on script?" Chihiro requested, causing Leon to snort.

_In summary, Raven is the most perfect girl I have ever met. She is beautiful, smart, strong, kind, an amazing artist, singer, dancer, cook, fighter, and model, she's great in bed (oops, that's a secret!) And she's the only one for me._

Leon shut the book before promptly attempting to tear up the book. Luckily, Sakura was there to restrain him and sit him down. She huffed, picking up the book and looking it over. Chihiro raised his hand. "I'm the only one who hasn't read, so I can go next?" He volunteered, and Sakura nodded before giving him the book. 

"At least it can't get worse." Chizuru mumbled, and that's when there was a knock at the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooooh, cliffhanger! It looks like we're going to have a new reader!! Sorry for the short chapter, again. I have to go to class, but I still wanted to update.


	9. Gee, I should've recognized her!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A friend joins the madness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, an update! Sorry it took so long. Life's been difficult!

At the knock, most of the readers looked up, and then at eachother, performing a headcount. It could have been that someone was making like Chizuru and waltzing right out of nowhere, or it could be something else. Nevertheless, the door opened soon and a girl with a hood on walked in. "Hello, everyone."

"MA'AM, I DEMAND YOU REMOVE YOUR HOOD AT ONCE. YOU'RE GOING AGAINST THE DRESS CODE." Ishimaru demanded, getting up before there was a sudden squee from Chizuru. Everyone took a moment to register the uncharacteristic action before she hugged to hooded girl, who froze up in embarrassment. The prankster reached up and pulled the hood down, suddenly, eliciting a gasp from the others.

"IKUSABA!?!?" Ishimaru exclaimed as the soldier pried Chizuru off of her. Everybody else had an expression that one could describe as 'Gee, I should've recognized her' in various shades.

"Yes, it's me. I heard you all yelling, so I decided to come take a look at what was going on." She explained shortly, crossing her arms. "Is someone hurt?"

"Yes!!" Leon lept up, suddenly. "I am! They're forcing me to sit here and read this story, I'm a hostage!" He proclaimed, taking the soldier by the shoulders. Mukuro blinked, looking at the others with a confused expression. "What is he rambling on about?" She asked, prying Leon off of her.

"It's a Mary Sue, Ikusaba." Sakura explained, showing her the book. The normally stoic soldier cringed at it, stepping back. "I understand completely. But Leon, why don't you just leave?"

"They won't let me!" He whined.

"And you're too noble to fight them?"

"Exactly!"

"Too noble or too cowardly? Are you afraid you'd lose?" Mukuro questioned flatly.

"What!? No, I could take them!" Leon insisted.

"Oh it is ON, ball boy!" Chizuru grinned, getting up and into an impractical stance.

"Fuck off, Yamagi!" He shouted in reply, and Chizuru grumbled. "I was trying to defend you! Gawd." She complained.

Mukuro blinked slightly, looking around as Maizono tapped her shoulder. "Do you plan to join us?" She asked whilst the background filled with bickering. The soldier shrugged before giving a nod. "I might as well. Do you want me to read next?" She asked, taking a seat.

The group shared some uneasy nods before Mukuro picked up the book with a nod, opening to the bookmark.

_Raven ran upstairs, her boobs jiggling like bumblebees-_

The soldier did a doubletake, making sure she read that correctly. Everyone's thoughts were best summed up by a single word from Fujisaki. "What."

_When she got to the room, she screamed, going pale. Hanging on the wall, dead, was Cheerio!!_

Everyone got an admitted giggle out of that, even Chihiro himself.

_Raven screamed before falling to her knees, letting out a loud gasp and hiccup. "NAOOOOOOO!" She cried._

"Can't she revive the dead with her tears?" Celes questioned, thoughtfully sipping her tea. Mukuro gave her an odd look before she shortly explained. "It makes just as much sense in context." 

_She couldn't believe her best friend-_

"SINCE WHEN!?"

_was dead. She cried loudly, and Leon hugged her gently in order to cheer her up. She sniffled, crying into his strong chest._

Mondo reached over, thumping Leon on the chest lightly. "Yep, real strong." He grinned before leaning back.

_Chizuru cried, too, snuggling into the chest of Oowada._

"I don't cry you motherfucking fruit cup." Chizuru complained. "Even if his man-pillows DO look comfy." She was given an odd look at that as Ishimaru turned to Mondo.

"SHE'S RIGHT, KYOUDAI! YOUR PECTORAL MUSCLES ARE SO DEFINED!" He announced as Mondo crossed his arms in embarrassment.

_From the look of the crime scene, Raven already knew the killer. It could've been none other than Genocider Syo!_

Sakura facepalmed, shaking her head slowly as Mondo grumbled. "Are ya serious right now?" 

Mukuro shook her head. "That's the end of chapter... one!?"

Everyone else was nearly floored. "How many chapters are there..?" Yamada asked.

"Sixty."

"WHAT!?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God save the readers.


	10. DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven dies, but it doesn't last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I thought I should give the characters some momentary hope, so take this! A death scene. This is gonna be some sappy stuff.

Mukuro looked around the room for a moment. "Has anyone not read yet?" She questioned, and all eyes were on Fujisaki. The programmer gulped, getting up and going to the book before taking it. Mukuro pat him on the shoulder. "Good luck, you'll need it." She stated before going to join the others. Chihiro sighed before opening the book.

_Leon went in to see Raven- his Raven. She was asleep on the couch, a vision of loveliness._

"Where have I heard that before?" Chizuru grumbled.

_Her tan skin was now pale for some reason, her cheeks flushed prettily. Her beautiful blue hair curled into ringlets in a few places, and she was struggling as though faced with an unseen foe. She let out a cry in her sleep, and Leon went to her._

"Isn't she just the most perfect thing?" Celes said, suddenly. "Couldn't you just... strangle her?"

"I'll admit, the thought crossed my mind." Yamada said.

_She blinked awake slowly. "L-Leon?" She whispered, and he kissed her forehead. The Raven he knew during the day was strong enough to face anything, and it pained him to see her so weak._

"Yeah, right." Muttered Leon.

_He put a hand to her forehead, listening to her. "I dreamed about my father losing the will to live because he doesn't have me in his life anymore..." she whispered, and he noticed she was burning up! "Leon, I'm sorry..." she whispered, and He ran out of the room._

"Must not wanna catch whatever she's got," Mondo mumbled.

"We don't have healthcare! This is highschool!" Ishimaru yelled.

_He burst into the clinic._

_"What do you want, swine?" Asked Togami_

"Bonus points for making Togami-dono in character!" Yamada scribbled down in a notebook as he said this.

"What grading system are you going on?" Sayaka asked.

_"RAVEN'S DYING!" He cried out, and everyone swarmed to help the only light in their lives._

The room filled with offended scoffs.

_They did everything they could to cure Raven, but nothing worked. Eventually, Leon shooed everyone out to be with her. "Don't be scared... please... don't leave me..." he whispered, holding her tight. "I love you so much... I even planned how to propose!"_

"I have no idea how she interpreted you as a romantic." Sakura deadpanned, causing Leon to go red in anger. "I can be totally romantic!" He protested.

"Yes, with your pillow." Celes said stoically, sipping her tea.

_Raven ran her hand along his face. "Talk to me, Leon. About anything. About our children"_

"YOUR CHILDREN!?" Ishimaru yelped. Chizuru shrugged her shoulders. "They diddled like nine times, what do you expect?" She asked.

_"We would have had beautiful children..." Leon sobbed, stroking her cheek. "Two girls and two boys. Perfect just like you..." he promised. "Raven, I.... don't leave me!"_

_"I know you don't want me to leave, my love! Oh, if only I had never met you!"_

"Then we wouldn't have to read this story" Mukuro sighed wistfully.

_"You wished we'd never met...?" Leon teared up. "Only so I don't have to cause you pain!" Raven said, kissing him as her life continued flickering._

"Why ain't she dead yet?" Mondo wondered, sounding impatient despite himself.

_"my love, please... pass along messages to the others..." She requested and Leon nodded. "Tell everyone they matter." She whispered._

"How much longer does this go on for?" Asked Sakura, and Fujisaki skipped a few pages in response. "Another twenty pages. Should I skip?" There was a chorus of agreement, and he skipped.

_Leon kissed her lips one last time, and her perfect eyes shut, never to open again._

"That's it?"

"That's it. She's dead."

There was a pause before the room broke into cheering.

"DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy, that was some sappy stuff. But don't worry. She'll be back next chapter.


	11. Always the Voice of Reason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WAIT SHE ISN'T DEAD! SHIA SURPRISE!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since I updated, and in honor of thanksgiving getting that much closer, I wanted to update this fic.
> 
> Also, prayer circle for Leon.

_A somber group of students went to bury their beautiful classmate that night_

Meanwhile, in reality, everyone was having a par-tay. Leon had grabbed Sayaka, spinning her around the room in a very clumsy, very goofy imitation of a waltz, for one. Sakura and Chihiro had soon joined them while Oowada proceeded to give Ishimaru a noggie. Chizuru was guzzling down coffee like it was the end of the world, and Celes had ordered Yamada to get some snacks. The only one who was left looking at the book was Mukuro.

"The story isn't over." The soldier announced. The room came to an abrupt stop, with the cup of coffee that Chizuru had been pouring starting to overflow. Mukuro hesitated before continuing. "The story isn't over, and she brought Leon back." She said, looking around.

"But ain't the dead supposed ta stay dead?" Mondo asked, releasing Ishimaru from the death hug. 

"Did you expect she would?"

"Ah, always the voice of reason, Ikusaba." The glare that Celes was currently giving could be described as the gastronomic equivalent of nails running down a chalkboard.

The soldier appeared unphased as she picked up the book again. Pretty soon, everyone was shuffling into their seats, again, looking various degrees of disheartened. It was obviously worst for Leon, though.

_Oowada pat Leon on the shoulder in an attempt to comfort him, but to no avail. Even he was saddened by the loss of the radiant Raven._

"Ah, because he IS a monster incapable of feeling human emotion." Celes deadpanned, looking annoyed. "Oh, bite me." Oowada huffed angrily.

_meanwhile, in the world of the dead..._

"You mean hell." Mukuro blinked.

_Raven opened her eyes, but she couldn't see anything. "I can't see anything!" She yelled._

No one was amused.

_A beam of light appeared in front of Raven's beautiful face. It was the fairy!! "Your time was cut short, Beautiful Raven._

"STOP SAYING BEAUTIFUL!" Yamada scribbled furiously. "Points off for repetition!" He announced.

_But don't worry, I can put you back. Let's not worry about how." The fairy said. "Kay" Raven giggled._

Chizuru groaned quietly. "Okay. Yeah. Don't explain. I mean, adult life is already so goddamn weird"

"You're not an adult, you're dead" Said Leon.

"Shut up, ball boy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a short one, but this one was sitting in my drafts for a few days, and I wanted to get it out. Enjoy!


	12. Fujisaki, I choose you!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mukuro considers burning the book. She doesn't follow through with this, sadly.
> 
> For some reason, fic!Fujisaki becomes a pokemon, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! I've decided to get back to work on this story for the three weeks leading up to Christmas. Ah, Christmas, more like parading around knee-deep in snow, not having enough money to get the gifts for your family, racism, forgetting which young cousins believe in Santa when you're loudly debating on what gifts to buy, and grandma's cooking. You'll find that this chapter has nothing to do with Christmas, though.
> 
> Except for the dang cooking.

Mukuro gave another glance around the room as she closed the paragraph. Everyone present tensed a moment before she sighed. "I'm getting tired of reading this. Are any of you going to take the path of valor and read a chapter?"

Nothing.

"Anyone?" The soldier questioned.

Dead. Silence.

"Fine." She exhaled softly, picking up the book before opening it up.

_Leon couldn't sleep that night. No one could. Monokuma had understood and allowed them all to lay in the gym past curfew._

"That is UNACCEPTABLE, and breaking the unspoken rule!!" Ishimaru shouted out, getting up.

"It's not like Monokuma ever made it a solid rule in the first place... I don't think he'd care, really. Or be understanding." Maizono quipped, sitting back again.

_Suddenly, Leon opened his eyes, and a brilliant white flash appeared!_

"Guess I gotta get my eyes checked." The aforementioned ball player shook his head.

_And it was Raven, Chihiro, too!!_

"SINCE WHEN!?" Everyone shouted simultaneously, and if you listened real hard, you could hear the Future Foundation asking the same thing.

_"Raven!" Leon cried out, going to pick her up and spin her before kissing her. Everyone cheered, the best of them had come back. Oh, and Chihiro, too._

The programmer bristled slightly.

_"so, Chihiro, what happened to you?" Naegi asked, and Chihiro blinked slowly. "Chi...hi?" He asked quietly._

"So, Fujisaki-dono became a pokemon??" Yamada questioned, pushing his glasses up. "Points for originality!"

_"it doesn't matter! You bastards still have to execute someone!" Momobead yelled out. "Um, no we don't, you stupid ursine thing!" Raven said, and everyone cheered her on for standing up to him._

"What a scathing yet clever remark. Truly, she is the pinnacle of wit." Celes stated flatly, sipping her tea quietly.

_"Too bad! Someone still killed Chihiro!" Monobear said. "Chihihi!" Chihiro said._

"Is said the only word this girl knows how to use?" Chizuru sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. 

Mukuro, by now, was thoughtfully staring at the book in her hands. After a few moments, she glanced to the fireplace before shaking her head.

_So, everyone went to where Chihiro died. Kirigiri did the investigating, but only Raven knew why Chihiro had died. Raven whispered to Kirigir "Chihiro... is a boy!" And Kirigiri gasped out. She didn't know Chihiro was a boy!"_

"Pronouns! Use them." Sakura said to the book, looking more than a little agitated. 

_So they did the investigation. Leon was sexy, Mondo was manly, and Yamada was ugly._

"Is how a person looks all that matters to this girl!? You shouldn't judge a book by it's cover!" Chizuru complained. Mondo looked over to her, then back at the book before he raised an eyebrow. "Well, okay, judge that one."

_Soon enough, it was time for another trial. Raven was holding Leon's hand as they took the elevator down to the trial room. Leon was shuddering, so scared of dying again._

"This has the potential to be a long, grueling trial." Celes mused. "Oaf, grab the book, you're reading next."

Yamada groaned.


	13. A furious midget and a sexier alter ego

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ishimaru begins crying and eventually passes the torch to his alter ego. Also, Chizuru is angry. Actually, everyone is angry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies!! I know I should probably be doing school work, but I was really eager to update today. I also wanted to put Ishida in this chapter (and oi, no complaining about spoilers. I tagged it.)

Yamada listened to Celes and sat himself down in the chair of doom, opened the book of doom, flipped one of the many pages of doom, and started reading the word of the spawn of satan... And doom.

_Leon knew in his heart that Raven didn't kill Fujisnacky. She was a complete angle, after all._

"Ah, her character seems flat, so perhaps a 180° angle!?" Ishimaru suggested, drawing a bit of a snicker from most present. "It... wasn't a joke." The hall monitor said, and a brief moment of awkward silence washed over everyone.

_Then people suggested Fukawa. "You see," said Togamini, "Taco Fukawa is Genocider Syo!" Every one gasped!_

"Taco Fukawa?" Murmured Celes, wrinkling her nose.

"Sounds delicious." Mondo added, leaning back.

"Celery Ludenburg? Cheerio Fujisnaky? Taco Fukawa? Why are we all getting turned into foods!?" Leon asked, before glancing at Mondo. "...oh."

_Then Fukawa fainted, but she wasn't completely out. She stood up again, and this time she had a super long tongue. "DumdumDUUUUUM, I'm your friendly neighborhood cereal killer, Genocider Syosauce!" She announced, waving around a pair of scissors._

"... _Syosauce?_ " Sakura looked baffled, whereas Chizuru had just started laughing at the misspellings and name-butchering. Truth be told, she was just glad that she wasn't being turned into a shrinking violet meek fake. That was just insulting.

_Then other stuff happened and it was revealed that Oowada was the culprit. Chizuru started crying! And so did Ishimaru. Then Mondo became butter._

Ishimaru sniffled while Chizuru looked VERY tempted to flip a table. Mondo leaned closer to his two friends, cautiously. "Are you two ok-"

"BWAAAAAA!"

"FUCKING SHIT GODDAMNIT PISS ON A DUCK WHY DON'T YOU!?"

The eruptions were almost in sync. Ishimaru had begun bawling while Chizuru knocked over whatever furniture she could find, all the while swearing and screaming and making noises that most humans couldn't make. Mukuro was quick to restrain the smaller of the two, who continued to struggle, and Mondo did his best to comfort Ishimaru.

_Raven went up to the grieving Ishimaru, hugging him. "I'm so sorry for what happened..." she whispered softly. Ishimaru hugged back, sniffling. "It's okay, Raven... but I need someone tonight..." Raven nodded and guided him to another room..._

Yamada paled. "Is she really...? Oh my Kamida, she is!" He confirmed, and the room went silent.

No one spoke for a while, before Ishimaru screamed out. Everyone collectively jumped as the Hall Monitor's hair became a brilliant white. There was a brief silence as everyone slowly leaned over.

"ALRIGHT, what the hell happened!?" Barked Kiyondo Ishida, Ishimaru's alter ego for a time. Everyone glanced to eachother before Sakura took the book from Yamada, handing it to the perfect. Ishida raised an eyebrow. "The fuck is this...?" He muttered before opening it up.

"Three, two, one..." Chizuru started, leaning back.

"WHAT IN THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!?" Ishida exclaimed, dropping the book. "What the shit was Ishi doing with... Hey, we don't know a Raven." He murmured, nudging the book with his foot before going to pick it up. 

"Fanfiction." Celes explained shortly. "Someone wrote an, erm, perfect creature into our school." Ishida tilted his head.

Everyone collectively started to explain.

"She has too many middle names!"

"Kirigiri showed her her hands!"

"She THINKS she's the most perfect thing in the WHOOOOOOOLE world!"

"She made Chihiro a pokemon!"

"Her tears bring the dead back to life!"

"THERE WAS A 25-PAGE LONG SEX SCENE!" Oowada shouted. Everyone jumped and stared at him. "Well, there was!"

"So to sum up, Raven is the most beautiful, perfect creature in existence, she can't die, her talent is everything, she made all of us act like complete opposites, and she gets with ball boy." Chizuru explained.

"Gotcha." Said Ishida.


	14. Silly rabbit, character development is for kids!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plot starts to go to hell, and things get worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking about what I wanna do with this fic, and I've decided to make the plot carry over to SDR2 with not!Leon and Raven's kid. Just because I'm a sadistic little shit that likes seeing her favorite characters get tormented.
> 
> Also, I want to avoid doing schoolwork.

After the explanation of the circumstances (and frantically skipping through the sex scene), Ishida was the one placed on the chair. He looked around at his unsure peers, who kept glancing at the book.

_After comforting Ishimaru, Raven said her goodbye and left him to go back to Leon. He smiled, wrapping his arms around her. "My love, how are you?" He asked. "I'm fine... sigh, I don't like having everyone die around me..." except fat, ugly Yamada, Raven finished in her mind._

"Doesn't her character ever develop!?" Yamada remarked angrily, scribbling quickly in his notebook.

"Let's see... No." Celes said.

_She kissed Leon before going away, back to her room. She played down in her bed and went to sleep._

"Dull prose, dull prose..." Mukuro muttered, brushing her hair back.

_Raven had a dream that night. It was her middle school science class! She hated the judgmental bitches in there, who slept with a lot of stupid guys like a bunch of sluts._

"Oh great, look at that. Slut shaming, again. Listen, they might be 'sluts,' but they still won't sleep with you" Chizuru held her hand up, giving a small wave.

"That was actually pretty good" Leon commented, going in for a fist bump.

_Then a bunch of books were pushed into her arms by her teacher. "Gone for weeks, you'll never catch up!" She screamed, and more and more homework was shoved to Raven. "No, I don't have to listen anymore!! Go AWAY!!" She yelled as she was pushed around and smacked for being careless._

"Now that's just sad." Sakura commented.

"A little hard work never hurt anyone, so this chick needs to grow the fuck up." Ishida added in, and Mondo briefly blinked at that.

"Here, here" agreed Chihiro.

_Raven woke up in a cold sweat, looking around the room before getting up to see Leon. She knocked on his door, which he opened. "What's wrong, my love?" He asked. "Bad dream..." said Raven_

Chizuru laughed at this. "THAT, a bad dream? I know bad dreams, and that was like a walk in the park. Seriously, you got a big storm coming."

_He pulled her into a hug, stroking her hair. "Shhh... It's okay..." "Leon, just hold me tonight... okay?" She asked, and he did, just holding her close._

"Oh, how romantic... NOT." Leon mumbled.

_The next morning, everyone went to the gym. Ishimaru was still sad. But Monobear gave the new motive-- lots of money!! Also, the donut bimbo started talking_

"I cannot believe she has the GALL-" Sakura stopped herself, clearing her throat. "Ahem, excuse me"

_"I found a thingy!!" She announced, and led them to Alter Ego. Raven already knew, so she wasn't surprised when Ishimaru turned white._

Ishida let out a snicker at that.

_Raven didn't care, though, so she left, walking into a jiggly thingy. She looked up, and it was Yamada!_

"Wait... I think I know where this is going..." Leon started, and there was a collective shudder.

_"Miss Raven! I wanted to talk to you! You see, I'm going to die next, and I was hoping you could do something for me..." he sweat and Raven smiled. She'd be free of the creepy pervert! "I don't want to die a virgin" Yamada said, and Raven nodded. She pitied him, at least._

There was the sound of something snapping in half, and of someone gritting their teeth. Everyone looked to Yamada as he tightly gripped a broken pencil. Celes was the first to speak. "She wouldn't."

Ishida flipped a few pages before nodding. "She would and did."

Yamada immediately began ripping pages out of his notebook. "THAT CANCELS OUT ALL THE POINTS I'VE GIVEN THIS STORY! IT GETS AN F!" He yelled out, causing everyone to jump. Glances were briefly exchanged before he calmed down. "Ahem... sorry about that..." Yamada muttered.


	15. Only Mostly Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a brief apology for the schedule slip and Ishimaru is every slasher film murder victim ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm alive I swear.

After everyone took a minute to pacify Yamada, Chizuru was the next to go to the book, slowly picking it up. As she did, a little note fell out. "Huh? What's that?"

Ikusaba picked it up. "It's much more legible than the book." She mumbled, beginning to read it out loud.

_Dear Readers,_

_I'm so sorry about the lack of updates, recently. It's been hard getting my muses to cooperate with me- And I'm worried about even worse mischaracterization than the fanfiction itself. Due to said schedule slips, I will not be writing any sequels_ (this was met with many cheers) _But I WILL write a much shorter spinoff._ (everyone became dejected.)

_Kindly, Drill_

"What kinda name is Drill?" Asked Leon, squinting.

"Likely a pen name of some sorts- It doesn't seem like she's the author of this, ahem, 'story,'" she used large air quotes, "So it's nothing to worry about. Anyways, Yamagi, you said you were reading?" She asked.

Chizuru sighed, plopping down in the chair of doom once more.

_A sambar Raven left Yamada that nite, going back to Leon and crying. "Why are you cryin, my loev?" Leon asked, putting and arm around her_

"You think I'd care after my girlfriend banged 50% of the people in my class while dating me." The baseball player grumbled, crossing his arms.

"Is it just me, or did the grammar experience a significant drop?" Asked Ishida, staring at the book.

"It does that." Maizono assured.

_"I'm scared of losing u" Rven cried, hugging Leo. "Wat if u die?" "I wont leave u" he promised, kidsing Raven. Da next day..._

"Why am I suddenly nervous?" Fujisaki asked, sitting criss cross on the floor.

Celestia was gripping her tea slightly harder than usual, glaring at the book. She knew exactly what was coming next.

_Dere was Yamada and Ishids missing from dinner and Chihir was sad. "Don't worry!! Ill go find tem!!" Ravn said and then Cherry wasn't sad nymote. Then they found Yammer and stupid goth bitch scream. Yammer look ded so they go 2 celery nd she look ded 2!! "Finally!!" Raven said._

Celestia twitched, causing everyone present to move away. Even Sakura. Especially Sakura.

_Den Cels got up. "Aw." Sad Raven, looking down. "Sum creeper tried 2 kill me-" Say Celery. "Too bad they didn't." Kirigiri said_

Chizuru snorted at that, drawing a glare from Celestia. "Hey, it was funny." She retorted before going back to reading.

_Then every1 ran down stair and Yamada and Ishi wer ded but Yamada say it was hagakure!!_

"Well, you're not WRONG."


	16. Some Sick Burns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter abuses fire puns. Celestia is not amused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, okay WOW! Apparently my fanfiction got on tvtropes??? Oh my God this is an honor! Thank you to everyone who made this possible. I'll try to manage the schedule slips better!

Celestia, still on edge from the last chapter, was sure as shit not about to read this one. So when Chizuru offered her the book, it was promptly smacked out of her hands.

"Celestia, you're acting like a kid." Sakura scolded as Mukuro pulled Chizuru back. The latter pouted, mumbling something about not being allowed to do anything.

"Come on not, Taeko-"

"DO NOT CALL ME THAT!" Celestia screamed, causing everyone present to jump. Mondo put his hands on Chihiro's shoulders to calm him down, glaring at the gambler.

"Fiiine... I'll read again." Chizuru complained, picking up the book of doom once more. "Good girl." Celestia responded with a roll of her eyes.

"At least the focus is off me!" Said Leon as the prankster started reading.

_Later, Leon and Raven were getting hot and heavy.._

"Spoke too soon." Added Maizono as Chizuru began frantically skipping the sex scene.

"Fried spring rolls!? That's what they were doing!?" She suddenly exclaimed, her face an interesting shade of green. Everyone present proceeded to wretch slightly, with Ishida excusing himself to go to the bathroom.

"Did you have to announce it to the entire afterlife?" Leon questioned, bearing the face of a man who had nothing left to lose.

Chizuru shrugged as she finished the scene. "And here we are."

_It was almost time for the trial and Raven knew it wasn't Hagakure because Yamada only called people by their last names. And no one was named Yasuhiro because that was stupid sounding, just like the person it came from. But that was too much of a burn, Raven giggled._

Celestia's eye twitched. "She did not."

"I think she did..." Maizono offered.

The following expletives that Celestia emitted were so vile and awful that it is considered illegal to publish on the internet, and thus they have been omitted.

"You kiss your mother with that mouth?" Leon asked.

_"so you bastards who's the killer!?" Monokuma asked. "Isn't it Hagakure??" Asahina dumbly said as her gross tits jiggled. "No, it's not! I know who the killer is, and they're no flame of mine." Said Raven._

"I'm going to kill her-" Celestia mumbled repeatedly.

"Good luck, we're all dead." Sakura pointed out, fingers going through her own hair.

_"then who is it?" Asked the unimportant muscular lady. "It's a girl!" Said Raven and everyone gasped. Who knew one of the bitches would snap? "How do you know?" Asked Egg_

This worked a collective giggle out of the tense room.

_"Because the only person who hasn't said her name is a girl, DUH." Raven rolled her eyes at Naegi. He was cute but so stupid._

"BULLSHIT!" Everyone present screamed. If you listened close, you could here the future foundation say the same thing.

_"You mean Tricelestops?" Asked Yamagi. "Yes, you're on fire!"_

"My name is not that hard to spell." An exasperated Celes put her tea down.

_"no, my name is Celes you bitch!" "Nu-uh you fucking liar!" Then Raven beat Celes up and everyone cheered._

"Now that's too far." Mondo glared at the book, crossing his arms.

"Oh, my hero." Celestia mumbled a complaint, looking away impatiently.

_"yeah, you're right!! It's Celes!" Yelled Monokuma and everyone cheered for Raven for killing the bitch. Then Taeko got burned to death._

"Oh, to hell with me. Yamagi, I'll read next."

"Good."


	17. Serious Sakura

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura's suicide is completely skipped over, so everyone tries to come up with their own chapter instead to do her justice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I was gone so long, again. School's just been... blah.

Celestia settled in with the book, skimming the page. "Oh. It seems we're at Junko's confrontation." She announced with a hum, but Maizono stopped her.

"Wait, Sakura, didn't you die around that time?"

"I believe so." The fighter nodded her head. "She seems to have completely forgotten about me."

"That's totally unfair- Invalidating your suicide like that!" Chizuru bristled, receiving a light pat from Mukuro to calm her down. "I agree with you, Chizuru, but we can't simply make up our own story for it?"

"Or can we?" Started Leon, pretending not to notice Sakura frantically shaking her head. "Let's do it!"

"I'm okay with it..." Commented Chihiro, with a smile. Oowada and Ishimaru soon stood by him, and eventually the fighter realized everybody was doing it under the conviction that it'd make her happy. She sighed, nodding nonetheless. "Very well, go ahead."

After a few minutes, they decided they'd all add a bit in order of how they died, beginning with Maizono, and ending with Sakura. Chizuru had opted out since, again, no one knew what her deal was. Nevertheless, the idol settled into the chair, clearing her throat.

_Meanwhile, Sakura strutted down the halls away from the finished trial. She couldn't do this anymore, she couldn't condemn any more of her friends to death. She'd hurt so many people with one move of betrayal... what else could she do?_

Leon went next.

_She could find an escape for everybody... but that Raven girl would probably take all the credit. Raven, who could revive people with her tears, but only revived Leon. It was absolutely ridiculous._

Chihiro lifted his head.

_That's right... it WAS ridiculous. Ever since Raven showed up, everyone had been acting weird but a few people. The worst of it went to Leon._

Oowada grinned, liking where this was going.

_It was like that for Chizuru and Oowada, too. They had just been friends before, and now Chizuru had not only started acting like a little kid, but they were hopelessly in love. Ishimaru even broke such a big rule by having sex with her._

Ishida raised his head. 

_So Sakura decided she had one choice left: She had to kill Raven. It was the only way to put everything back to normal. Raven had to die, and no one but Sakura could kill her now._

Yamada pushed up his glasses.

_So, She said she wanted to talk to Raven. The girl agreed and let her into the rec room, where a fierce battle ensued._

Celestia smiled.

_To prevent Raven's curse from getting everyone killed, however, Sakura took her own life before Raven could kill her. And that was the end of that._

Sakura actually appeared to be almost blushing, she was so flattered. "Th... thank you. I liked the story so much." She smiled, closing her eyes.

"A fitting end, says I. If only it were the truth." Commented Mukuro, looking away. "Well, back to the normal story?"

"Do we have to?" Chizuru whined.

"Yes."

Everyone groaned.


	18. We (finally) broke Leon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It looks like it's about time for Junko's trial, but instead, everyone is greeted with a chapter of Raven getting pregnant and married to Leon in the middle of the school. No, seriously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We haven't tormented Leon in a while, so let's do that.

"Well," Celestia paused, adjusting in her seat. "It seems I was actually wrong. Leon, there's another sex scene with you and Raven. We haven't had one in a while, hm?" She smiled at him as she practically dripped with sadism.

"You're kidding. Well, it's happened enough that I'm hardened to it at this point." He mumbled, pushing his hair back.

"I'm not skipping it over. If I have to be subject to this disgusting idiocy, then so do the fucking rest of you." She uttered once, causing everyone to collectively pause and then beg her not to. Ishida even fainted, laying flat on his back as his hair changed to it's old color. 

The following scene consisted of Celestia reading the entire sex scene out loud, and everyone was subjected to the horror of Silk Sheets, Chocolate, Whips, Impossible Contortion, and perhaps worst of all, Fried Spring Rolls.

"You're even worse than my sister..." Mukuro uttered, looking horribly shell shocked. Leon had revisited his old attempts to smother himself with a pillow, simply eager for the story to end already. Mondo and Chizuru had taken to trying to revive Ishimaru, who was thankfully spared from the smut. Sakura was allowing Yamada and Chihiro to cry on her shoulders, wearing a look of utter disgust. Maizono simply twitched.

"I do my best~" Celestia hummed pleasantly, looking back to the book. "Now then, to the story."

_Whn Rave woke up she niticed t h at she was sick so she went to threw up and Leon cam in2 say "R u ok my luv?" An Raven nodd. "Im fin, just feel a lil suck"_

"This story is a BIG suck." Chimed in Mondo as he fanned Ishimaru.

"Agreed." Came eight other voices in reply.

_"Let ask Kirig" he say so they did and Kirig used detective powers to find it out. "Oh my God... Raven, you're... pregnant!" She say._

Everyone suddenly went completely silent, even as Ishimaru woke up at last. He looked around at the faces of his utterly mortified and traumatized classmates, and that told him everything he needed to know. Still, he asked. "What happened?"

"It's pregnant." Said Celes, snapping everyone out of it. Well, everyone but Leon, who looked like a man being marched to his execution. Chizuru leaned over and poked him. "I... I think we broke him."

"Oh, God... don't worry, Leon, it'll be over soon." Assured Maizono. Leon turned his head to her and uttered the following. "U r sooo rite."

The following actions of everyone caused a roomwide chaos, with everyone realising just how badly the fic had gotten to poor Leon. "H-he's delusional, um!" Chizuru reacted the strongest, grabbing a pitcher of water and throwing it at Leon.

Now, if Chizuru hadn't been so frazzled, one could take that to mean she threw the water at him, but in fact she threw the whole thing, pitcher and all. Leon was beaned right in the face with it, and promptly passed out. "MOTHERFUCK-!!" Chizuru shouted, bringing the room to a screeching halt.

In lieu of the previous events, Chihiro gently grabbed a glass of water, poured that on Leon, and then set the glass down very gently. Five minutes later, Leon woke up.

"Wha... what happened?" He asked, looking around dazedly.

"Yamagi tried to kill you with a pitcher." Celestia explained.

"It's not my fault!! It... slipped!" Chizuru replied, bringing a snort from Mukuro, of all people.

"That alone should prove how flimsy your excuse is! Now, where were we..." Celestia smiled pleasantly, turning back to the book.

_"were gonna be parents!!" Raven cheered, clapping her hands. "Then Ravn... shouldn't we b together 4ever?" "Well, yea!" "Will u marry me, then?" Raven gasped_

This was met with angry groans. "Is it almost over?"

"The chapter is, yes." Celestia told them, neatly sliding in a bookmark. "I hereby refuse to read any more of this drivel."

"We don't blame you."


	19. We can no longer stand to read this book.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is so fed up with the fanfic, Mukuro has to ask someone else to come in and help them read. Someone so masochistic, they couldn't possibly dislike it, right? Riiiiight?
> 
> Fat chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How I imagine you all feel about the update: Ohhh my god. Ohhh ,y god. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh THERE IT IS THERE IT IS. THERE IT IS. OH MY GOD. EAYEAYEYAYEAHEYAHEY EYAEAAAAAAA YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YEAAAAAS. I FOOUND IT. I FOUND IT. I FOUND IT. I FOUND IT. YEAH. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. I FOUNDI IT FINALLY!!!!! YEAH!!!!! OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD I FINALLY FOUND IT. OH MY GODO. HOH MY GOD. I CAN’T BELIEVE IT. TAKE A LOOK AT HTIS EVERBODY. A LIVE SHINY PONYTA IN MY LEAF GREEN VERSION. I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS. I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS. I FINALLY GOT IT. OH MY GOD my heart is beating 100 miles per hour. i was listening to my favorite band once again. Sum 41. No Reason. Live in Ontario 2005. after 25968 encounters I HAVE FINALLY GOT IT OH My god corre al gol, lo va a patear yyyy GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoOoOoOoOoOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!! GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL!!!!!……QUE GOLAZOOOOO!!!! *churns butter very quickly*

Celestia placed the book down, and looked around at everyone. "We've all read, isn't there someone else who can read?" She asked, crossing her legs. Everyone fell silent, not daring to even breathe. After a while, however, Mukuro cleared her throat.

"There is... one more person." She started, and everyone collectively paled.

"Not... THEM, right?" Chizuru asked, perking up.

"Oh God, anyone but her." Mondo continued, actually starting to bite his nails.

"Do YOU want to read?" Mukuro asked, and everyone collectively froze. "That's what I thought." The soldier stated, rising up to retrieve the one person who could complete this fanfiction.

Junko motherfucking Enoshima kicked the door open before Mukuro could even leave.

"What the hell is all this racket about!? I'm TRYING to sleep!!" Her punk persona initially greeted everybody.

"Ah, sister, there you are." Mukuro, in spite of everything, stayed calm. "We were just about to go get you."

"Ohooo~? Lil ol me~? For whaaaaaaaat~~?" Next came her cute persona, holding her hands up. And Mukuro shoved the book into Junko's hands.

For a moment, the model could only stare at the eyesore that had been shoved into her hands. "...The fuck is this?"

"That, dear Junko, is what we've been forced to read all this time." Celestia replied, standing up. "...truth be told, I thought you had something to do with it."

Junko, who had started reading through the book, gave a cackle. "Not even _I_ would go this far, Celes." She told the gambler.

"Then who would?" Leon asked, looking up from where he rested with the pillow he held.

There was a pause.

"I don't fuckin know! Alright, so where do I begin?"' Junko asked, crossing her legs as Mukuro turned to the page for her.

Junko cleared her throat, and opened the book.

_Leon and Raven stood in the middle of the gym, with Raven wearing an all white dress with roses and silk stitched into the sleeves--_

Junko paused. "The description of the dress goes on for about ten pages, should I skip?" 

"Yes." Every one echoed.

"Alright, fine." With an impatient grumble, Junko skimmed the pages, occasionally reading aloud a detail of the extravagant garment.

"You have to admit, it sounds like a nice dress." Sayaka commented, smiling fondly.

"Psh, I think it'd look cute on you." Chizuru replied casually.

"Oh, get a room." Leon grumbled, horribly cranky from the fanfic in general.

_"U look beautiful" Leo say to his brid and Rvn giggle. "I kno."_

"Okay, I'm already sick of this." Junko frowned, looking at the book. "Can't we just stop and say we completed the fanfic?"

"OF COURSE NOT, ENOSHIMA-SAN! WE CANNOT LEAVE OUR WORK UNFINISHED!" Ishimaru barked in reply, arms folding over his chest.

"He's right. We've come this far, why give up now?" Sakura spoke up, looking right into Junko's eyes.

"Yeesh, and I thought I was a masochist." Junko mumbled, head tilting.

_Kirig was the prest bc she had sexe with Rven b4 nd she lovd Rev_

"...huh? I don't follow. Why would you want to be the pastor of someone you fucked?" Chizuru mused.

"The author doesn't seem to enjoy things such as 'logic,' 'sense,' or 'continuity.'" Yamada pointed out, leaving Junko to sigh.

"Can I PLEASE get on with it?" She complained, not waiting for an answer before she read again.

_"Deer Reven, do u take Leon Kuwater to b ur lawfully wedded husband?" "I do" "And u, Leon, do u take Raven to be ur lawfully wedded wife?" "i do" then they kissed_

Leon gagged. "Ugh... at least that's over."

_So then the honeymoon..._

And Leon was once again attempting to suffocate himself, while Junko leafed through the smut. "You think you have problems? At least you're not reading this." She cleared her throat, but luckily Mukuro covered her mouth.

"Sister, please. It's almost over, don't traumatize him any more."

Junko sighed. "Fiiine."


	20. You can't deliver a baby in a courtroom!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We finally move on to the final trial. Except instead of Naegi getting executed, the Sue instead has a God-baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I missed the fic's birthday... oh well, as an apology, have some of this nonsense. I'm sorry for not posting in so long, my life kinda got eaten up by something...

Junko turned the page to the next chapter, her brows raising. "Looks like we reached the end." She sighed in relief.

"To be honest, I expected you to enjoy something like this." Leon piped up, looking over at Junko. The model just shook her head, muttering something that vaguely sounded like 'even I have standards.'

Mukuro coughed after a while. "Well, sister? Are you going to finish reading it?" She asked.

"Yeah, yeah. Quit your bitching, Mukuro." Junko huffed, looking over the pages.

_It was time... they found the body of a cute freckled girl, recently, and now it was in time for the next title._

"I'll take word salad for $500, Alex." Chizuru mumbled, head resting on her hand. 

"Hold up, I distinctly remember blowing up your corpse, so how would they know about your freckles?" Junko thought aloud, earning her several disturbed looks. "...what?"

"You were entirely too nonchalant about that." Celestia merely shook her head. "But I'm not sure what else I expected."

_Everyone stood in a circle, except for the dead idiots(and Mondo). And then Monokuma said "So, who could possibly be the killer?" And it was really quite for a second before Kirigiri spoke up. "I know who it was..."_

"This is not how it went. At all." Maizono groaned, shaking her head.

"It makes me wonder how much she actually KNOWS about us." Yamada was the next to speak, eating from a bag of popcorn he'd found in the kitchen, earlier.

"Oh, come on. There's no way she knows that much." Mondo huffed, arms crossing over his chest as he squinted at the book.

_"It... is... Naegi." And everyone did a gasp. "No!!!" Raven yelled, hands over her bulging, pregnant belly. She was breathing really hard because she was going to have the baby soon._

"Wait JUST A MINUTE! It hasn't been nine months!" Ishimaru protested, before Chizuru suddenly went green.

"Er, Yamagi. What's wrong?" Sakura asked, moving to hesitantly place a hand on the smaller girl's shoulder.

"I just realized we're probably going to have to hear all the gorey details of the birth." She replied.

Leon gaped. "She wouldn't."

"Actually!" Junko interjected. "She is."

It was at this moment everyone knew, they fucked up.

_Raven suddenly screamed, and everyone stopped the trial. "My water broke!" She announced, and Monokuma immediately put the trial on halt while everyone ran over to have her. Pretty soon, Raven had her legs spread, and a baby's head poked out of her-_

"ENOUGH, JUNKO!" Enough people chorused to startle the mastermind, allowing Mukuro to pluck the book from her sister's hands.

"Dodged a bullet, there." Leon breathed, looking slightly LESS broken at this.

"Now we're moving onto the description of the baby itself." Mukuro replied, and his face fell.

_The baby came out with beutifl red hair with sky blue streaks, and one yellow eye and one green eye. The abby also had cute b cup boobs-_

"You don't just put tits on a newborn BABY!" Chizuru yelled angrily.

"I'm more concerned about the full head of hair." Celestia remarked, putting her teacup down.

_"hi mommy. My name's Elena." The baby said, and then Raven realized. Her and Leon's love had been so pure that they gave birth to a literal angle! You could tell from the black and red wings._

"What" resounded through the room. Just a single, simultaneous chorus of the word. The story broke them. Junko proceeded to close the book, and then pour herself a liberal glass of wine. "This is too much, even for me."

"I think another break is in order."

**Author's Note:**

> A note to everyone; I'm so sorry I never finished this fanfic. To be honest, the comments are what really kept me going on this monstrosity long after my interest in DR had waned, and I'm so sorry I was never able to finish it. I'm sincerely happy, however, that you all enjoyed this work so thoroughly. Thank you for the thousands of views, the many kudos, the comments, and the bookmarks! Thank you for the recommendations and the many laughs you may have had reading this, because that was the end goal; to make you all laugh.
> 
> Who knows? Maybe I'll come back to this someday. Maybe I'll write the ending, and the spin-off I had planned... but as it stands now, I just don't like DR enough to create any quality content for it. Still, the fact that my work was able to reach so many people, and that so many people enjoyed it... it makes me happy.
> 
> Thank you for reading.


End file.
